Would it be too cliche of me to say, given the nature of my swords suit in the Isidore Tarot, stick a fork in me I’m done? I picked the Ten of Swords today to be dramatic, because this card looks most brutal and dramatic, but a lot of the perceived woe in it really is more just the drama. It’s about hitting the bottom and looking up and seeing that’s the only way left to go. I’ve felt very much like that the last few months.
All the misery I went through leading up to my diagnosis that resulted in surgery did a lot to squeeze the happiness out of my summer. However, no matter how hard it squeezed at the end of the day I could still take a step back and realize that I was still happy for the most part. Much of my perceived irritations in life are ones that I know I can easily sweep to the side. Like my surgery. I didn’t want to go into my fifth major surgery, be sure of that. However, the surgery went very well, I was healing very quickly, and I was no longer suffering those painful episodes. I didn’t want to do it but was very grateful it went as well as it did. It was a little harder to keep that chipper frame of mind when at the end of that healing process I took a header down a flight of stairs.
Now that I’m recovering I’m able to, here too, take a step back and allow myself a smile when I think about it. Attic is on all of my branding and it was my attic stairs that did me in. Our duplex has one large bedroom and a long finished attic. We opted to turn the spare room into a work room for the gent and I. The attic we split in half; one side being our bedroom and the other side my sewing and project room. The stairs leading up to it go through the middle of it in what looks like a closet with a door at the bottom. Well on route to the bathroom downstairs around 5am three Sundays ago I took a trip head first that left me in a trauma center looking like Edward Norton in Fight Club as he lay on an ER bed telling the nurse I fell down some stairs. Meh to that. I don’t need to recap it all here. It sucked. My personal blog has the bits for the curious.
The point being: I was knocked out cold long before I lay at the bottom of those attic stairs in a heap, but I can imagine looking up from the bottom of them in that heap and thinking sonofabitch (in a Melissa McCarthy voice). All the specialists, brain scans, body repairs, and time spent confined to a recliner half blind and feeling tore up really knocked the wind from my sails. I can look at this card and say it represents how victimized I feel by circumstance and how beat down I am. And when you hit the bottom what is there left to do? Start climbing back up. The night is always darkness before the dawn but the sun will surely rise again. So I got back up and dusted myself off, plugged my many holes, and started to trudge back forward. I still give the attic stairs the weary stink-eye though. I’m not altogether unconvinced there isn’t a gnome living under the top step. I just happened to step on his roof at the exact moment he decided to pop up to go investigate the cat’s food dishes downstairs.
So in closing, with tarot symbolism I like the fact that even when you’re looking at something that should make you shudder, there is a place to drag some hope from it. So always keep a stiff upper lip and stay positive. Life is about ups and downs, bumps and bruises, and maybe, like me, when something so horrible happens a little of the brightness comes in with how those around you circle and show how much they care. And with that, I’m back to regular updates again. Hopefully! I’m still half blind at the moment, so screen time is off and on. I hope you’re all well!