Ugh, the two of swords… fitting. I hate to admit it right now, but it is fitting. It makes me reflect upon the fact that I’m getting sloppy around the edges, so to speak. Pardon me while I get a little wordy.
Almost two years ago I began a process to improve my health and curb my worsening weight issues. For a couple of years my gent and I let ourselves get far too comfortable with our bad habits. We considered it a winter funk and did everything to avoid admitting we were in a fairly serious depression after my (TMI alert) ectopic pregnancy. We both gained weight, but I seemed to be approaching it like an Olympic event. My daily habits were horrible. I ate little to nothing all day long as I worked my butt off, though that work typically was done from a desk. I made us a very large comfort foody type meal late in the evening when we sat down to watch our favorite shows. Typically we drank a few beers. It was just bad and I felt it in every inch of my body.
When there came a point where my gent needed to move down to Ohio, I realized I was barely able to get around on my own. I have a particular type of arthritis in my back that has bothered me since I was a kid. I spent a lot of time having my back manipulated so I wasn’t stuck in either a sitting position or standing. The more weight I put on that existing problem the worst the pain became. So I decided screw this. I’m not going to slowly kill myself because of bad habits. So I went to my doctor and started the process of taking rather drastic steps to fix myself. I won’t go on about that here (I actually tackle that subject in my portfolio blog) but the end result was I lost a good chunk of that weight, all of my weight related issues are null and void now, and after going through physical therapy and now being quite active, my back experiences nearly no pain. When it acts up a little heat and the wonderful kneading fingers of my gent can fix it.
So yay me! Right? Well that would be what it looked like if this was the closing of my television show. The truth is life rolls right along and the behaviors that were there before are always lurking and it gets really easy to fall back into them. The two of swords is me looking away from my slipping habits and finding reasons to rationalize why everything is fine. The truth is I’m a little stressed out and overwhelmed with the great amount of creative work I deal with day in and day out and trying to be a budding business woman. That is quite a bit for a woman who only a few years ago was a hardcore procrastinator and temperamental air fairy. Sometimes my desire is to address that stress the way I used to because it’s easy and what I’ve known for so long. The world has been trying to nudge me for awhile to get my poop back together and get back on track. It is far too easy to go back to the place I came from and I absolutely don’t want to do that.
In this card’s artwork a woman (or grasshopper here as this is my Isidore Tarot) sits blindfolded with two swords crossed before her. Each sword is perfectly balanced with the other one. They represent a stalling point for me. I need to push past that point and remove my blindfold and take a good look at my habits and make better decisions regarding them. Of course my friends tend to tell me I’m being hard on myself, but I tend to counter with: A personality that is all about obsessive behavior needs to keep a tight reign on itself. A personality that is able to rationalize away nearly anything needs to shut up and do better. That is my take on this card. There are additional meanings you can look up for it when you find it in your spread or card draw, each to be used for what you’re looking at the tarot for.